1. There is a feeling you get when you set foot in a JCrew, and it’s a feeling incomparable to anything else in your life. It’s a sort of spiritual certainty, accompanied by a buzzing excitement and a sudden, overwhelming urge to spend the next 45 minutes trying on enamel bangles and touching sweaters. It is your Happy Place.
2. Regardless of whether or not anyone asked you to, you have within you an innate need to pack snacks for people and make sure that everyone is eating well. For any outing — movie theater, day at the park, road trip — you are well-prepared with your puppy chow, trail mix, or carrot sticks.
3. You have a huge love for hosting dinner parties and cocktail hours. You just love the feeling of bringing people together, cooking, and making sure everyone has a good time. Even if your apartment is not logistically or financially the best for entertaining, you can always turn it out with a cheese plate and a couple bottles of wine.
4. Whenever you see children dressed up in adorable, overly-fancy clothes, you pretend to be just as annoyed as everyone else — but secretly, you love it, and can’t wait to dress up your son like a medieval pageboy.
5. There are basically no limits to the things you will favorite on Pinterest or Tumblr. You want the pink lemonade in mason jars. You want the fancy cocktails with 1920s-era ingredients. You want the twinkly Christmas lights wrapped around your white headboard that are maybe a fire hazard but if you’re gonna go out go out with an adorable headboard?????
6. You have already picked out the name for at least one of your children, and are currently thinking of ways to work it into your future “What are we going to name the baby?” discussions so as to give the illusion that it was a joint decision.
7. You and kids tend to get along very well, and you’ve never been scared or weirded out about being around them. Chances are high that you’ve been a nanny or babysitter in your day.
9. When it comes to organizing things with friends, you are on top of it. You have a social calendar that is always well-detailed and planned in advance. Nothing stresses you out more than last-minute changes or people who flake out on your plans.
10. Part of you — a very shameful, secretive, locked-away part — will always be attracted to Lilly Pulitzer clothes. You can’t help it.
11. Other people might spend the whole time on their phones when at an elementary school play, but you love every cornball minute of it.
12. There was never a point at which you stopped loving arts and crafts, coloring books, and making pillow forts. You may now have to do them under the guise of “entertaining little kids,” but you’re mostly just entertaining yourself.
13. If you are living in a city and want to continue to do so, you have already thought about all the logistical implications of having a child without a car, and are not intimidated by the prospect of wearing a Baby Bjorn everywhere.
14. You think that men wearing Baby Bjorns are one of the top-10 most adorable things in the whole wide world.
15. Even though they are the pinnacle of “We have finally upgraded from Ikea to Pier 1 for our home furnishing needs,” you can’t help but be attracted to the idea of his-and-hers bath robes/towels/pillows. They are just cute, okay??!
16. While on a more cerebral level, you realize that dressing in a matching outfit with your daughter is kind of an abomination, you love it in the same shameful way that you love Lilly Pulitzer.
17. You’re not opposed to the errant blazer in such colors as coral, mint green, or baby pink.
18. Holidays with all the family together, where you finally get to host people and take care of things, sounds like a dream. You love going home for Christmas or Thanksgiving, but you can’t wait until people come to you.
19. Speaking of Christmas, if people think you’re not going to go balls-to-the-wall come family Christmas card time, they are sorely mistaken.
20. You remember the magic of playing sports when you were a little kid, even if you were terrible at it, and you can’t wait to give that teamwork, discovery, and physically-draining fun to another little person. You can’t wait to be the insane person cheering them on in the stands and nearly getting into a fight with a referee when he makes a bad call.
21. Your own mom is your hero, even if she didn’t fall perfectly into the stereotype of “soccer mom.” In large part because of her, you know that there’s nothing lame or outdated about being a mom, and you can’t wait to redefine what it means to be one to fit your own life.